Before i sat down to write i had so many ideas running through my  head i envisioned blogging and blogging till the wee hours of the night.. Yet here i sit not sure where to begin, what to say or why i should be writing a blog at all...

So one question at a time:

I guess i started... so that now answered, can be forgotten.

The what to say part is really the crux of the matter and probably will never fully be answered as the answer has flux and flow, one form and then another, ad infinitum... and time will tell.

So why?   That has a couple different answers.. One is that as i set out on this journey people have asked me to keep them in the know.  This part is challenging because i habitually have gone on adventures and enjoyed disappearing, unplugging from the usual and saving my stories for the next time we meet.  Another habit i've noticed is hiding in my openness.. You know, if you are really open about a lot of things most won't guess what you're hiding, or where you won't let them in..  In fact, as i have been mulling over the question of whether to write or not i have bumped into paradoxes in the way i want to be.  On one hand i claim and strive for transparency but at the same time i fear being really out there all flawed and imperfect. I want to be brutally open and honest but i can hear my dad say i share too much, and  why write if i don't want one of my favorite people to read it?    Also, i am pretty sure that the stuff i want to write about is not really what people asking for my blog want to know.. but then again who i am to decide what you want?  Another reason i am starting this is because for too long i have been talking about writing and not doing so.  and through writing i want to get better at it.  I want to see if some of the ideas that people say i should write about actually can find their way through.    So to hell with my habit of hiding,  and hurray for the awkwardness, i am going to blog to see where i go!