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| thanks scruff for having an old photo of me that i didn't even remember existed.. circa '06 or '07 |
i feel a little bit like i am out in the dark.
over the past month i have lost my computer and my iphone. not literally, but both to the power of water. the story of my computer dying is a little story in a much bigger and more relevant story that i haven't finished putting down on paper, but it will come. the soaking of my iphone happened last week canoeing from one camp site to another, pretty insignificant, but leaving me without. i am in the dark and i can't share any images from my eyes because my phone was my camera too. and oo so painfully i am in the darkness of silence too. first ten years of collected music from typical to ridiculous, all my yoga mixes and even some yoga classes, on my computer, and then all that was left on my phone, the simple joys of listening to tunes while walking somewhere!!! ( i am so grateful that my friend jesse every year when i visit him backs up my computer so i only lost a year). but i lost photos of the man who's face i can't get enough of, i lost photos of places i have been from the woods of sweden, to the family in california to friends in boston and to a journey in the ukraine! its a little ironic to be celebrating midsummer, to have so much light and still to feel blind.
i am in the dark.
my insides are all confused,
one idea stumbles blindly bumping into another.
reason leaves me wanting,
because it will mold to my desire.
logic can be a slave to my little ego and
love leaves me always with work to do,
more to give.
i am in the dark,
when will i be home again in the circle of your arms?
(there is a quiet story that stirs in my body, a knowledge-old that knows the way)
i don't know if there is a place for me
in the place i want to go.
i don't know what more the world is calling me to do.
i don't know what to be obedient to,
your morals? my patterns? a fairy tale?
i don't know
( i can feel a pulse in the earth that guides my feet)
i can think the growth of a plant to flowering and
i can feel the pathway in-between.
i recognize the same forces within myself
come to life
and i can stand in the craziness that my cells know
i can move with the earth.
(i am in the dark and sometimes i like being alone in the dark).
so in this weird light and darkness time i have been falling more and more in something love-like with amanda palmer, check out her awesome work at www.amanadapalmer.net. here is a video from her. i already feel like she is a friend, but we haven't met yet.. sometimes it sounds like she is my hero (she is), and sometimes i just sound like a crazy stalker (i could be), but mostly i have just loved more and more of her artistry and her ways and because of her i think its time to start playing the ukelele.
