oo oo here i go..

The Real Work

by Wendell Berry

It may be that when we no longer know what to do

we have come to our real work,

and that when we no longer know which way to go

we have come to our real journey.

The mind that is not baffled is not employed.

The impeded stream is the one that sings.

  

ok so it's all a little scary!  i thought i had a place to stay when i got to Berlin so that i could then search for a more permanent thang, but it turns out that we weren't on the same page, and i don't.  i thought i was going to go to Greece for six weeks including my fortieth birthday, and now i heard that that also isn't going to work out.  i sit here bouncing back and forth between the celebration of being free and then on the other hand freaking out because there is no obvious place or person where my heart wants to go !  it feels weird to so clearly want to continue teaching yoga and painting, to want to do 'the work', wanting to participate  and feeling completely a loss of where go!! and where will i be for my birthday and who cares?!   and just to add to the uncertainty and mayhem mercury goes retrograde in the first week of october (even as i write that i can feel some of you rolling your eyes)!  and despite wanting to dismiss it and make fun of people who talk about it (fucking hippies) i have observed and experienced its effects so .. yeah... this cosmos effects me!

my ultimate dream would be to live on a farm in the middle of a city!  i would love to have a huge room that could serve as my studio, class room and gallery.  i want to live in community and be  surrounded by makers, whether making a difference, making a new door or making art!  i want to be around people who value and celebrate the differences in each other as a source of wealth and i want to share a big kitchen so i can cook for everyone!!  amongst the doubt and the fear and the angst, when i think about finding a place that is right to call home, my heart starts to light up again.  so i am stepping out into the unknown with very little security and let's see what happens!  

some works in process and my sussie inspired rainbow bookshelf <3

it's really hard to love books and travel!!  not to mention how awkward it is to be an artist and travel light!   but for now,  everything is packed away in boxes.

even though it's my traveling altar its staying in a box for a while

ah, the pier on a stormy afternoon i will miss you

We must eradicate from the soul

all fear and terror of what comes towards man

out of the future

and we must acquire serenity

in all feelings and sensations about the future

we must look forward

with absolute equanimity to everything that may come

and we must think only that whatever comes

is given to us by a world directive full of wisdom.

It is part of what we must learn in this age,

namely to live out of pure trust

without any security in existence

trust in that ever present help of the spiritual world

truly, nothing else will do

if our courage is not to fail us

and we must seek this awakening within ourselves

every morning and every evening.

Rudolf Steiner, Nov 1917